Category: Growing Up

Things seen and heard in my day

April 18, 2013

Two Days In Seoul/The Story of Four

Growing Up, Image and Words

My last day in Seoul was one spent much hungover. Inability to really do anything but lay on the couch (because the bed had been occupied by two friends already), txting home and wondering when I should wake up to fill my stomach. That eve, after a massive shop at Muji, I met with Dahee (who had recently flew in from Mumbai), Yura and Su Ceum. Not only was this the last days for me, but Yura is on a scary but exciting solo adventure- walking from Paris to Spain (or perhaps the other way around, i’m not sure), Camino trail I believe it’s called. (I couldn’t be more fucking proud of her). The only friend missing that eve was Hyewon, in which we were drinking with the night before. It’s funny, a lot of Koreans pick up certain accents and mannerisms from all learning English from the same places- but these four share a few mannerisms completely different to others, ones i’ve grown very accustom too and truly make up a part of their personalities. A very generous and kind four i’ve been happy to know these past few years.

So as it comes to it, this was not really only my final days left in Seoul but theirs, as a group, too. I have much respect for the four- friends from university and well beyond. Everyone always leaves New Zealand, so it’s really no different but I didn’t really think that people would want to escape from Seoul as well (“who would want to leave Seoul?? It’s amazing!” the wanderlust, romantic, idealistic version of me says). It seems a time where everyone is beginning to make tracks, and i’m infinitely proud of them for doing so and undertaking such scary adventures. As i’m always reminded, 회자정리 거자필반(會者定離 去者必返), friends will inevitably meet again.
So these are final days in Seoul (for now).

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March 31, 2013

Last Days

Growing Up

Every year for as long as i’ve known i’ve found myself spring cleaning my physical life (as a clean physical surrounding really helps figure out the mental going-ons). These past few years Spring has rolled round more than once in a year- last year coming four times. This year I begin my first spring clean.

If you have any ties to me or stalk me across other platforms, you’d have known I got offered a job position in a Hagwon (private school) in Korea and up until two days ago I thought I was definitely going to take it. Circumstances change however, and having a bit of light shed on the whole situation has really made me think about what I want to do be doing in the long term. I want to close the Seoul chapter for a while (although not completely), to be comfortable in my own shoes here in New Zealand for a while.. after all the whole reason I went to Seoul in the first place was to hang out with Numi and ride bikes, but then subsequent visits were all (mainly) for a girl. After leaving art school i’ve been lucky enough to exhibit extensively in New Zealand, and then in Paris and Asia.. but this whole time i’ve been semi half-assing it, always on the back burn because life just takes over. I hope to change this, hanging with new friends lately have made me feel a lot more passionate about my chosen field- seeing someone else become so ingrained in what they’re doing is truly inspiring.

Little shoots will begin next month. Motivation is around the corner, and hopefully you’ll see me a bit more in the real world making my mark.

March 23, 2013

Sad bones

Growing Up


/하유라 on music.

There is a life at Namoo that only its regulars will know. I was lucky enough to be introduced to the circle. The warmth of its patrons, is like no other. While not knowing each other, they would all make an effort to try. This place was second home for many of us above Hyochang-dong. It is standard practice to stand, bow and greet new people/friends when they enter a room in Korea, as a bar most places this wouldn’t be the norm, Namoo however was different- it was family. It is a home of external family, but the kind of external family you reunite with every week.

I’ve never really had an attachment with an establishment, but this morning when I heard that Namoo was closing down at the end of this month I felt a bit 멘봉 (at a loss).. While I was only a regular there of a few months across the years i’ve been travelling to Seoul, this place sums up everything there is about the community of friends and warmth of the people. Regularly meeting with Yura and Dahee at Namoo will be one of my favourite past times.

(If I understand korean in the slightest) I arrive 9 days too late. 멘봉…

March 10, 2013

New Perspectives

Growing Up

Two months ago if you asked me where I am living now, I would have said “Korea!”, but sometimes things just don’t quite work out. I’ve far from given up the idea (or ‘dream’ per se) of living there, but it is an indefinite struggle to get there (permanently). And while the first and second attempts to land a more permanent position working there haven’t followed through, i’ve taken a shift in my perspective of New Zealand and making moves on my goal (and temporary step away from photography as an art medium, though not commercially! ..didn’t think i’d be saying that). I’ve even made my room less temporary.. when you’ve spent nearly 6 years exhibiting photographs over 1m wide each, things tend to get a little cramped.

Above is a (well thought out) list of pieces to complete for a future project, a goal to reach before 2014. For the curious: A mixed rig for the BMCC camera consisting of items by Shape, Redrock, Letus, Arri and Viewfactor (Yes I realise i’m missing pieces but cables, distro, etc doesn’t look good in the graphic). I’m excited to be 26 (even though i’m not even 25 yet) and in the slump that i’m in, i’m writing off this year to prepare for a better one. If my lifestyle now isn’t hermit enough, you just wait. Another 9 months to fill my brain with films for scripts and ideas.

Ps. If anyone wants to casually throw a couple of thousand my way in taking on this new project, i’d be happy with that too.

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February 10, 2013

New Years (Part Two)

Growing Up


/Just a nice photo of Sarah and Giant Pocky.

I’ve always been troubled with where my (ethnic) identity lies. Born and raised as anything but asian, it’s only recently that i’ve found a liking (?) connection (?) or perhaps an acceptance (and love) for where i’m from. For those who are unaware of the lunar calendar, today is the Chinese New Year. This will also be the day I start my New Years resolutions (the past month and a quarter don’t count), if you too have had trouble starting any resolutions perhaps you can adopt the lunar calendar too.

Happy New Year everyone.

January 1, 2013

2012

Growing Up, Image and Words


/Sorry Sarah.

There is always a big pressure and expectation to get all ‘YOLO’ on new years eve- as if there is some sort of truth behind the way you spend your time when the clock strikes 00:00 is how your 2013 will be. I wouldn’t mind that if it is true, because I spent the evening having a ‘NOLO’ new years with the best of friends, Sarah, in attempt to avoid the high stakes of what the night should be. Like minds we are.

Fuck ‘YOLO’ we tried to exclaim- but of course fell into its traps to a small degree. Over eating taco’s and fried food at Mexico amongst the Beach Party Banquet (which was later to go off at Britomart Country Club), then succumbing to the potentials of the night by buying an extra 4 litres of Asahi beer to the already stack of bottles we had piled waiting for us. We were joking if we were to think we could finish off a 2 litre can each.. the only logical way to consume that much liquid would to be on the toilet at the same time. The night completed with what others might deem a little lame, but in our books it really just became the best new years eve ever. Bowling (real bowling with beers.. which severely affects your ability to aim straight, as if it weren’t hard enough..), wii-bowling, wii-tennis and mario party. The countdown itself was spent watching the lights go off on the Sky Tower. I couldn’t ask for more, and certainly couldn’t ask for a better friend last night.

It’s hard not to reflect on the year that’s just been. I feel a pressure for every year to top the previous, though I feel I may have peaked too soon. If there’s anything this year has brought me, it is recognising (some sort of) happiness, even if the year itself was not the happiest of times. I’ve made close friends and solidified friendships with others, some friendships expired and some relationships still remain undefined.. but all in all that’s okay too, if you’re not hurting then you’re not growing either. And while I like to tick off boxes on some never ending list of life, I can say I did have the best birthday ever this year as well as the best new years eve. I wouldn’t trade those two days for world, and that’s enough for 2012.

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December 25, 2012

24 on the 25th

Growing Up

I was looking for a particular photo, but I can’t find it anymore.. It was one of the first times I hung out with Ruby, perhaps it was even a first date or something, it was of us eating pancakes.. I can’t quite remember- it seems like an eternity ago. This Christmas was a little different without her here. I made pancakes with the family. In the past i’ve always gone around to her house early in the morning to wish her happy birthday- I believe it started when Joe and I used to go skating Christmas morning since the streets were empty and I ate shit one morning and needed medical attention.

Birthdays are often forgotten when it’s everybody’s day to celebrate.. so i’d like to make a point of it to remind you all of her day, and how important she is to us all. Happy Birthday Ruby, I hope Germany is treating you well.

November 30, 2012

Are We Falling Behind?

Growing Up


/Soho, New York City.

I recently attended a small lecture on what it is to work in the creative field in New Zealand vs the rest of the world. While I didn’t feel all responses were entirely honest (some more than others) it definitely provoked thought into my own situation.

In the talk they mentioned no review here ever being the 100% truth. This city is too small without damaging your own career in having a truthful opinion- so take this for what it is, just my opinion (as blunt as it may be).

What came in conversation amongst us after the event is that we, (‘we’ being the ones who are wanting to get out of here), in New Zealand treat this place like a stepping stone. Is making it in New Zealand really.. making it? Are what we portraying as ‘success stories’ from New Zealanders truly the success stories? The ones who choose to stay vs the ones who go (and the ones that eventually come home).

We all return home under different circumstances. I think to be fair, from what I gather from those around me and the unsaid feeling of those on stage is that, money is the biggest issue. So what is it about the success stories that feel in-genuine to me? Sarah brought up an example in fashion of two major names: Karen Walker and Rebecca Taylor. Both respected in their fields, yet the latter name may not be so familiar to you. A successful New Zealander born and bred who left for New York, but never returned. Traveling for most appears to always be semi-permanent. There seems to be instant gratification in becoming a big fish upon returning home.

What I am failing to mention is New Zealand in itself could be perfect for those who call it home. It’s safe. If you too are constantly riddled by the idea of leaving, where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 20 years?

No one likes to admit failure, and that is not to say that returning home having been abroad is such (though it does feel that way doesn’t it? I’m never happy when I come back). Are we ill-prepared for the world stage? Do we just not cut it? Is the recognition and local fame enough to feed the our egos once we return home? A reputable New Zealander once told a friend, “If you can’t make it in New Zealand, what makes you think you can make it overseas?”. We are launch pad to a bigger future, it’s like the saying- “when you’re the coolest person at the party, it’s time to leave”. I feel like this is the case.

Begs the question, are we just big fish in a small pond? A very blunt and honest opinion of the current scene in Auckland is that, yes.. (the majority of us are). If being overseas has taught me anything it’s that we live in a city where time stands still. Where we’re privileged enough not to have to fight for recognition of our work- I feel like the names who take the stage in New Zealand aren’t necessarily the ones who’d make it on the world stage. Are the thinkers and the movers of this city there because they earned it? or are they there because they were born into it, climbed the social ladder (and by that I mean hung out at the right events long enough to be noticed).

I’ve been told that our 20′s is a time for learning new skills, studying new degrees and making friends. In our 30′s we’ll have all the time in the world to settle and make money.. but is it our slow paced society that makes this okay? I would like to live by that, but I don’t feel okay when every year someone my own age (and younger) appears more ‘successful’ than I am. The internet is a deadly circle for information.

New Zealand has ties across the world, yet we’re so slow off the mark. Are we falling behind?

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November 18, 2012

Wo Zou Le

Culture, Growing Up

I wouldn’t normally post something like this, because it’s a pretty sensitive and dark subject. So perhaps not clicking the ‘more’ tag if you shy away from the morbid realities of life. I came across this set of pictures on reddit. No photographer credit, just some cutting looks upon her face, and what he said before he jumped are the most beautiful haunting words i’ve ever known.

“..The woman, apparently his girlfriend, is said to have gotten on her knees to beg him to reconsider. He turned his back to the camera, to the street, the rest of the world, and facing her said the words, Wo zou le – “I’m leaving now” – source.

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November 12, 2012

BFF

Growing Up


giraffe? ..or…
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