/Writing In The Air (Again)
Ever since I was young, I’ve always had it in my head that I’d know where I want to be when I grow up. My parents, my parents’ parents – they may not have had the easiest of lives – but when I imagine their lives in their mid-twenties – a wife and husband with a home, a mortgage, a job and direction, I can’t help but compare. Myself at the same age still doesn’t have a clue. Perhaps it wasn’t as straight forward as that for them at the time, but it still feels a hell of a lot further than where I am now.
Sometimes I look back at my life and see what I’d change, where I’d change it, but there is no part in particular I would change, I live with only one regret. Counting back there is nothing I’d really change about the shit years that were high school (perhaps a bully or two, a teacher or three), art school was some strange blessing in disguise and now in my third year out of University I can’t say I each of the years hasn’t been fulfilling.
Lately I’ve been spoilt silly- over the past year alone I’ve been flown to Paris for the Biennale, across to Seoul three times (there can never be too many), New York, I’ve had stops in Los Angeles, Hong Kong, I’ve been around New Zealand for exhibitions… my work itself has recently been taken to China, soon Cambodia and now I’m on a plane again to Melbourne. So what is there to complain about?
Sometimes I feel like the epitome of a Coppola film. One big teenage angst, dissatisfied and unfulfilled by a whore I call home. A city never moving. We are our own suburbia in Coppola’s films. Chasing love to the other side of the world to flirt with the idea of eternal happiness – greener fields and everything – only to be met with the crushing blow of reality.
As much as I feel like I struggle against this world I’m in, I do it with restraint, unmotivated to take it futher. I am a person of weakness, and a person filled with unreachable goals. Constantly dissatisfied, I dwell in the past, look to the future and shy away from anything present. Flaws I realise, but cannot hide from. I don’t know what’s next, but I guess i’ll find out soon.