It’s often people come to me to talk about the strains and stress of life.. both from work, school and relationships. It makes me think, a lot, and often about the obstacles we fall short on. Lately i’ve been thinking of returning to art school, something i’ve dismissed in recent years for numerous reasons- but the more I think about it, the more i’ve learnt to grow from being there. I’ve fought the system, i’ve tried to control with it, i’ve run with it and at in the end I just did what I wanted to do.. and from there you’ll find your place.
/Helen. I for Eidolon series, 2007.
So many times my projects have fallen short of what I hoped for them to be. Numerous times have I found myself reshooting something I had attempted the week before. My first photograph was up at four in the morning, underexposed by two stops on large format transparency (if you know what E6 is, you’ll realise what a fail was). I had to reshoot the image above three times.. there’s a big learning curve in photography and lighting, but you soon realise your mistakes.. and you do what it takes to get it right- you sacrifice the life of eleven fish (to neighborhood cats), and your friends flooded kitchen just to get your shot.
/Plank of Death. Don’t Cry Death Defy series, 2008.
/Broom of Doom. Don’t Cry Death Defy series, 2008.
I’ve tired myself out to the point of crashing on the couch, crashing my car and crashing on the floor from fainting and knocking out my front teeth (that was painful, and an awful lesson to learn about knowing when to eat and sleep).. but you do what it takes because that’s what’s required of you to make the artwork you want. If I have an idea in my head, I run with it. There’s no use dreaming big if you don’t act upon it.
/Making of ‘My Ptolemaic Mind‘, 2008
This image. This image haunts me. Three months to prepare and three months of editing.. I devoted so much time into this project only to come out with a result far less favourable than what I had imagined in my head. SIXTY models, TWENTY FOUR cars, TWENTY crew ranging from directing assistants, lighting assistants, camera operators, stylists.. TWO cameras, TWO scaffolding set ups five meters high, TWENTY kilowatts of electricity running into TWELVE flash heads, ONE generator, FOURTY sheets of film and ONE giant warehouse.
This project was no easy feat. An eighteen hour day, exhausted and tired I look at this photo and realise the flaws and failures. I used to say “i’ll never do that again,” but two years on and on the brink of starting a new project.. I thrive off being stressed, I want to take on something new. A bigger, a better project, made by an older, smarter and wiser man.
This time I tackle both new and old mediums, it’s about the idea and this is where it’s taking me. It’s always now that scares me the most, i’m ready to take it on.. I just don’t know whether i’ll fail or succeed, and I won’t know until it’s over.
I’d be worried if you’re starting your MFA next year, because if you didn’t think I was competitive six years ago, you’ll think I am now. An aggressive, competitive student to be.
/Lighting test for ‘We Are Here, Nowhere Near You’
/Shooting ‘Ever, Ever’
/Lighting test for ‘Ruby’
/Hugging test for ‘Leaving The Best Of You With Me’
/On Set for The Ens Causa Sui shoot
/Me, demonstrating/testing facial expressions for The Ens Causa Sui shoot
I close this chapter of work today, and start on new beginnings.
Ps. I always need helping hands if you want to join me.